Guilt Trips

What is it about guilt trips? I think we are all "guilty" of them, pardon the pun. But I believe that most of us are not even aware that we use such a tactic to manipulate others to do what we want. For example, recently during an exchange with some loved ones of mine, (12 of them to be exact) a simple question was asked by one. I won't go into detail because I don't want to hash up any hard feelings, and I definitely don't want to start a war or be accused of having favorites. That is not me. But, a simple question was asked, a simple request was made. Then the answers started coming in. All that was needed was a simple answer....yes or no. What is it about us human beings that we just can't accept a simple yes or no? Why do we need to have a "yes I can because (and now you have to hear how wonderful I am because I am saying yes to your question)", or "no I can't because...(and now you have to hear all about how my life is so tragic/busy that I can't help out or do whatever it is that was asked in the first place)". I recently read an article which talked about ownership of our words. If I ask someone to do a favor for me and they say no, I need to accept the fact that they said no and leave it at that. I don't need to probe and over-analyze every thought that comes into my mind about why that person said no. I just need to accept the fact that they said no and move on with my life. It may have nothing to do with me and probably doesn't. The fact that they may be too busy, the fact that they may not want to participate, the fact that they may not want to use their allotment of time to do something that I want, is entirely THEIR choice and it should not upset or anger me in any way whatsoever. But most importantly, it should not reflect their feelings towards me. In other words, just because they say no, doesn't mean they have an ulterior motive and that they don't want to because they don't like me or they don't want to be around me. That is ridiculous. If they say yes, then all is well - right? I get what I want. It's when I don't get what I want, that the world turns upside down and we go into a tailspin.

It is true as we get older, that life takes on different and more difficult challenges. But just because every request can't be fit into everyone's schedules, especially the bigger the circle of friendships and families become, doesn't mean that everyone has a motive to participate or not participate in that request. It is what it is, and shouldn't be taken as a threat against the one making the request, and I hope that the person making the request understands that she is loved no matter what.

Oh how much energy and time we waste in trying to manipulate people into doing what WE want them to do. Instead of just asking, inviting and accepting. I have found that when I invite and ask, pleasantly, there is a much warmer spirit in my home and in my life. I admit it took me a long time to learn and understand this very important principle in human kindness. I ask, I invite, and I receive those who want to partake and we enjoy. For those who do not or cannot, there will be other opportunities and other moments to strengthen and bond family ties and friendships.