Guilt Trips

What is it about guilt trips? I think we are all "guilty" of them, pardon the pun. But I believe that most of us are not even aware that we use such a tactic to manipulate others to do what we want. For example, recently during an exchange with some loved ones of mine, (12 of them to be exact) a simple question was asked by one. I won't go into detail because I don't want to hash up any hard feelings, and I definitely don't want to start a war or be accused of having favorites. That is not me. But, a simple question was asked, a simple request was made. Then the answers started coming in. All that was needed was a simple answer....yes or no. What is it about us human beings that we just can't accept a simple yes or no? Why do we need to have a "yes I can because (and now you have to hear how wonderful I am because I am saying yes to your question)", or "no I can't because...(and now you have to hear all about how my life is so tragic/busy that I can't help out or do whatever it is that was asked in the first place)". I recently read an article which talked about ownership of our words. If I ask someone to do a favor for me and they say no, I need to accept the fact that they said no and leave it at that. I don't need to probe and over-analyze every thought that comes into my mind about why that person said no. I just need to accept the fact that they said no and move on with my life. It may have nothing to do with me and probably doesn't. The fact that they may be too busy, the fact that they may not want to participate, the fact that they may not want to use their allotment of time to do something that I want, is entirely THEIR choice and it should not upset or anger me in any way whatsoever. But most importantly, it should not reflect their feelings towards me. In other words, just because they say no, doesn't mean they have an ulterior motive and that they don't want to because they don't like me or they don't want to be around me. That is ridiculous. If they say yes, then all is well - right? I get what I want. It's when I don't get what I want, that the world turns upside down and we go into a tailspin.

It is true as we get older, that life takes on different and more difficult challenges. But just because every request can't be fit into everyone's schedules, especially the bigger the circle of friendships and families become, doesn't mean that everyone has a motive to participate or not participate in that request. It is what it is, and shouldn't be taken as a threat against the one making the request, and I hope that the person making the request understands that she is loved no matter what.

Oh how much energy and time we waste in trying to manipulate people into doing what WE want them to do. Instead of just asking, inviting and accepting. I have found that when I invite and ask, pleasantly, there is a much warmer spirit in my home and in my life. I admit it took me a long time to learn and understand this very important principle in human kindness. I ask, I invite, and I receive those who want to partake and we enjoy. For those who do not or cannot, there will be other opportunities and other moments to strengthen and bond family ties and friendships.

The Strangest People are at Walmart

Okay, so the McDonald's story reminded me of another time that I had a strange encounter. It was Christmas a few years back (don't you like how I sound all elderly and knowledgeable)and I had to pick up something at Walmart that I just could not find anywhere else. Yes, we've all been there. So I walk into the store and head directly for my destination. I know what I need, I know I only have one hour for lunch, and I know I need to hurry. So I find the coveted object to be purchased and tenderly wrapped to be opened on Christmas morning (I can't even remember for whom or what it was). A man walks directly up to me (I believe he was hispanic or something like that) and looks me right in the eye and says, "You would be one good looking woman if you lost 40 pounds." Well I just stood there with my mouth open and didn't quite know how to respond to that. Oh I could think of lots of things now as I look back on it, but I probably shouldn't post any of them. But my mother's words quickly come to mind..."If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." I wish I'd said that! Why is it that I seem to attract these kind strangers? Or maybe it's that I bring out the worst/best in people. Sometimes leaving the house for me is like going on an adventure. I just never know...what next!

McDonald's Rage

This is a weird story. On my way to the bank, I stopped at McDonald's to get a drink. Now this particular McDonald's has two separate drive up lanes, side by side. I'm sure you've all seen them. Anyway, as I pulled up there was a van, followed by a car in the first lane, and the second one was empty. So naturally I pulled into the second one...I mean, who wouldn't right? So I pull up to the speaker just as the van was pulling out of the first lane. The "lady" in the car behind him then pulled up to give her order. However, I was already in the process of saying "one medium coke please". All of a sudden, I heard her screaming at the unsuspecting McDonald's employee, very loudly - "Hey you! I was here before "that" woman over there." I quickly look around and realize of course that she must have been talking about me, because I was the only other person there. So I continue on my merry way, feeling sorry for the employee who would have to deal with her rage. All I could think of was "Give that woman her food!" So I pull up to pay for my drink, and she comes flying up behind me, literally, doing at least 60 miles per hour to go only 10 feet. I thought I was a goner! Now I'm thinking this woman is not only hungry and desperately needs her McDonald's nourishment, but she is nuts! The best thing to do in a situation like this is TAKE OFF EH! So I purchase my drink and head out. I pull out onto Redwood Road and head south, because after all, I still need to hit the bank. About 2 yards before the bank's driveway, this crazy lady comes screaming down Redwood Road and cuts me off and pulls in front of me. She was laughing at me as if to say..."see, now I'm in front of you." And at that exact moment, I quickly turn right and pull into the bank. I turned to look at her and she was gesturing some kind of signal with her finger, I'm not sure what! But I walked into the bank with a smile on my face, and a gratitude in my heart, that I never leave the house hungry, only thirsty.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

#10 - Clean Sheets
There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed and snuggling into clean crisp sheets. I just lay there and get so excited, that I even get butterflies in my tummy. And I sleep so well on nights like that. Ahhhhh!

#9 - Sunday Drives
We don't do this as much as we used to, but I love love love Sunday drives, especially in the Fall. No TV, no house to clean, no meals to fix, just driving with the family. I find it very relaxing and I love having the opportunity to bond with the fam!

#8 - Rain
I love the rain. I love the feel of the rain on my face (oh I think that's a song), and love the smell of rain, and love the fresh feeling of rain. I love rainstorms, especially back east. They have the best rainstorms...Nova Scotia, Massachusetts and New Jersey!

#7 - Quilting
I love to quilt. I love to make quilts and give them away. It's an artful creation that I enjoy seeing in my mind, then putting together.

#6 - Painting
I have discovered a new love - oil painting. Who would have thought! But I can't get enough. I go to classes once a week and I wish it was 5 times a week.

#5 - Pajamas
One of my favorite things to do when I come home from work, whenever possible, is to climb into my pj's. Total comfort is what life is all about at those moments.

#4 - The Smell of Coconut
I spend a lot of time seeking out lotions and shampoos that smell like coconut. I love that smell, and I breath it in deeply when I use those products.

#3 - Scrapbooking and Pictures
I think these two go hand in hand, because I can't scrapbook without pictures. I take pictures whenever and wherever I go, and I am constantly writing stories in my mind as I am taking pictures.

#2 - MY CAT, TOPAZ!
I love my cat and he loves me. No, really he does! He is so spoiled and practically runs the house.

#1 - Cape Breton Island
My heart is there and always will be. I love my heritage and where I came from. My roots are deep in that island and my heart will forever long for its beauty and serenity.

So to sum things up, I would be at my happiest, cozied up in my pj's, somewhere on Cape Breton Island, painting a picture, while Topaz sits on my lap, and I had a coconut candle burning in the room, while NCIS is on the tv (snuck that one in there...I couldn't resist). Charlene is right, I had a hard time thinking about my favorite 10, but once I got started, I could have kept going and going and going.